Why have any screen time policies /rules for our kids anyway? Devices provide endless entertainment, connection to others, relief from FOMO, a sense of competency that comes from leveling up in a game, and much more. But at a cost. Allowing the “treat” side of tech (vs. the “tool” side) to overly consume our children’s time is not in their best interest, nor that of our families or schools.
That’s why having policies /rules around tech is valuable and worth the work. But I am the last to claim that this is easy. You may know my personal story from Screenagers, where you saw me learning the hard way how critical it is to find ways to involve our kids in defining screen-time rules with us vs. my initial, more top-down techniques.
At times your kids may want to refrain from participating. But don’t give up. Make sure you have some protected time to talk about science, love, and all the reasons why this is important.
Katherine Milkman, a researcher, and author of How To Change, has found that people are particularly motivated to change behaviors after a “fresh start,” such as the New Year or the start of a new month. As humans, we love the idea of a clean slate.
A couple of headlines are making their way through the press, and while you may want to share them with your kids, be sure to be clear that these are association studies. What to make of each association will take time to decipher, so we must be careful to avoid drawing conclusions prematurely. These findings include associations between video gaming and obsessive-compulsive disorder and between social media and cognitive control.
These papers come from the ABCD study, a coalition of researchers across the country studying kids over time and doing brain scans. We will continue to see more headlines about these associations.
Below are eleven tech-policy examples to consider talking about with your kids and making some decisions. As a parent, you may need to make some executive decisions if you can’t agree on things together.
Finally, deciding on policies depends on many things, like your child’s age, so I’ve provided different variations.
1. "You show, I observe" time, once a month —
This involves having your teen scroll on their social media for a few minutes while you sit with them. You get to see what comes up and you don’t react or critique, just observe. And then a day or two later is when you can reconvene to debrief a bit. Not to be judgmental or mad, but to think together about some messages and dynamics you both noticed on your teen's social media.
Pointer: try to schedule a day, like the first of each month, in which this will occur somewhat regularly.
2. Same as above, but do this exercise twice a month
3. Same as above, but with social video gaming platforms and specific games, such as Roblox, Discord, Legend of Zelda, Minecraft, etc.
a. Agree on a time to share findings, such as at two dinners from now
b. Determine the method for tracking screen time that works best:
c. Each family member records their own screen time using the chosen method.
d. At the agreed time, share findings with the rest of the family.
6. Maximum of 1 hour at a time of video game play without a break
7. Matching offline activity time for an equal amount of time engaged in online entertainment. For example, after scrolling TikTok for 20 minutes, maybe they help with cooking for that same amount of time.
8. Devices away at meal times
9. Devices away at dinner, but if eating other meals alone, like breakfast, it is okay.
10. Devices away in the kitchen at dinner time, i.e., when making dinner and while cleaning up after dinner
11. Devices out of the bedroom for sleep every night of the week
Why have any screen time policies /rules for our kids anyway? Devices provide endless entertainment, connection to others, relief from FOMO, a sense of competency that comes from leveling up in a game, and much more. But at a cost. Allowing the “treat” side of tech (vs. the “tool” side) to overly consume our children’s time is not in their best interest, nor that of our families or schools.
That’s why having policies /rules around tech is valuable and worth the work. But I am the last to claim that this is easy. You may know my personal story from Screenagers, where you saw me learning the hard way how critical it is to find ways to involve our kids in defining screen-time rules with us vs. my initial, more top-down techniques.
At times your kids may want to refrain from participating. But don’t give up. Make sure you have some protected time to talk about science, love, and all the reasons why this is important.
Katherine Milkman, a researcher, and author of How To Change, has found that people are particularly motivated to change behaviors after a “fresh start,” such as the New Year or the start of a new month. As humans, we love the idea of a clean slate.
A couple of headlines are making their way through the press, and while you may want to share them with your kids, be sure to be clear that these are association studies. What to make of each association will take time to decipher, so we must be careful to avoid drawing conclusions prematurely. These findings include associations between video gaming and obsessive-compulsive disorder and between social media and cognitive control.
These papers come from the ABCD study, a coalition of researchers across the country studying kids over time and doing brain scans. We will continue to see more headlines about these associations.
Below are eleven tech-policy examples to consider talking about with your kids and making some decisions. As a parent, you may need to make some executive decisions if you can’t agree on things together.
Finally, deciding on policies depends on many things, like your child’s age, so I’ve provided different variations.
This summer I'm recording podcasts based on my Screenagers' Tech Talk Tuesday blogs. I'm calling these BLOGCASTS. Today I'm talking about a summer reset, both in terms of screen time policies in our homes and ideas for things to do off screens.
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When I saw this sticker in a bookstore, it made me laugh. I asked myself, “Is this what it has all come to?” Fortunately, I know that it is being tongue-in-cheek. Then I remembered that people can get unexpectedly irritated when texting, and someone chimes in — like my husband. Fact: humans can become highly irritated by what seems like minor things for some inexplicable reason. Our wired world provides many such situations. I would wager a hefty sum of money that everyone reading this experiences levels of annoyance by things people do tech-wise that feel out of proportion to the actual act. Today I offer several personal examples from my family and others and four ways to address these dilemmas.
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Today’s blog is about improving communication and understanding of what people are doing on their devices, and it is also about modeling having more mindfulness of what one is doing. I offer a model of how to break down screen time and how it can be helpful to model saying to family members which of these three things you are doing on your devices: Tool, Talk, and Treat.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
