Are you co-parenting kids? Do you find that one of you focuses more on establishing rules about screen time while the other is less concerned? You don’t need me to tell you that answering yes to that question is incredibly common, and it can be a major stressor in homes.
Yesterday, we released our podcast episode, When Co-Parents Clash Over Screen Rules with author and family psychologist Laura Kastner, PhD. It explores various solutions to common struggles with screen rules, including the challenge of differing parental views and behaviors regarding rules.
You can listen to the full podcast episode here: Website // Apple Podcasts // Spotify // YouTube
When working with parents on screen time limits, Laura Kastner emphasizes that one parent often adopts more of a caregiver role, while the other serves as the “hardline”, concentrating on structure and boundaries.
Here’s a fascinating point Laura makes: Invariably, parents dig in deeper into their stances, and with time, parents become more and more polarized. Laura sees this time again and again.
It is not that parents want that, quite the opposite, they wish they were less at odds, but so often, it just gets worse.
Sound familiar?
So what to do?
Scenario: Parent A is dead set that their child does not go directly onto a screen in the morning during summer. Parent B believes it is acceptable.
Action: Parent A and B sit down to draft about five potential rules. For example, the child could be allowed to use screens an hour after waking up, along with four other suggestions. Consider including an obviously out-of-the-question solution to keep things lighthearted.
Reason behind the action: Now you're working together, generating ideas — similar to a work meeting. This process helps both individuals step out of their emotional brains, making collaboration more likely.
Reason: Same idea: staying in the intellectual challenge—i.e., the logic part of the brain—and less in the emotional/more reactive part of the brain.
Generally, kids are very aware when their parents have different views on screen time rules, and they are even more aware of parents’ arguments than we might realize.
Putting words to the reality of disagreements is a good thing.
You might say something like, “We both have your best interests in mind. And it is very normal to disagree about the best way to do that.”
You may decide to involve your child in brainstorming different limits of screen time and the pros and cons of each.
Polarization often worsens over time. Laura points out that polarization is not static — it’s a verb. The risk of a widening gap is real. Both parents want the best for their child, but anxiety and strong emotions can deepen the divide.
It can be such a significant issue that seeking help from an outside person may be a very smart move. I know it can be a major hurdle to find a couple's or family therapist, but doing so can ultimately save a lot of pain in the long run. It doesn't have to involve months of sessions; even a few can provide parents with the understanding and tools to embark on a better path.
If such a person is unavailable, consider committing to read a book together and setting aside about 20 minutes each week to discuss and implement ideas. There are plenty of such books available, including my book “Parenting In The Screen Age.”
Another option is to gather a group of parents a few times specifically to discuss challenges related to rule-setting. In that context, you will hear how other parents navigate their various approaches to rule-setting, which may provide you with new ideas. It will also help you and your co-parent feel less isolated in your struggles as a couple regarding this issue.
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Are you co-parenting kids? Do you find that one of you focuses more on establishing rules about screen time while the other is less concerned? You don’t need me to tell you that answering yes to that question is incredibly common, and it can be a major stressor in homes.
Yesterday, we released our podcast episode, When Co-Parents Clash Over Screen Rules with author and family psychologist Laura Kastner, PhD. It explores various solutions to common struggles with screen rules, including the challenge of differing parental views and behaviors regarding rules.
You can listen to the full podcast episode here: Website // Apple Podcasts // Spotify // YouTube
When working with parents on screen time limits, Laura Kastner emphasizes that one parent often adopts more of a caregiver role, while the other serves as the “hardline”, concentrating on structure and boundaries.
Here’s a fascinating point Laura makes: Invariably, parents dig in deeper into their stances, and with time, parents become more and more polarized. Laura sees this time again and again.
It is not that parents want that, quite the opposite, they wish they were less at odds, but so often, it just gets worse.
Sound familiar?
So what to do?
One phrase I’ve often used over the years is “fighting fire with fire,” and when it comes to managing screen time, this idea can really come in handy. Incorporating parental controls into your family’s screen time routine can make things run more smoothly at home. And summer is an ideal time to consider this approach.
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A topic I hear from parents regularly is regret—regret about saying yes to a tech device too soon. Maybe it was a smartphone, a smartwatch, a gaming console in the bedroom, or allowing social media. Today’s post is about how to reverse course on a tech decision for your child thoughtfully — and possibly prevent even deeper regret down the road.
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As the gift-giving season approaches, many parents consider buying their kids their first phones or connected watches. Before diving into this decision, I want to share my perspective: delaying this purchase as long as possible is often the best approach. If you have decided to move forward, my team and I have worked hard to compile a detailed chart of simple phone and watch recommendations to help you choose the best option.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
