It is very common to have some summer jitters due to all the unstructured time and kids’ desires to fill that time with screens.
One phrase I’ve often used over the years is “fighting fire with fire,” and when it comes to managing screen time, this idea can really come in handy.
Incorporating parental controls into your family’s screen time routine can make things run more smoothly at home. And summer is an ideal time to consider this approach.
I’ve spoken with many families who have had great success using parental controls, especially with preteens and younger children.
Today, I share some of my favorite guidelines for introducing or modifying parental controls in your home. I will also provide an excellent resource of specific parental controls that our team spent a lot of time compiling.
“Trust and verify” is a saying that fits parenting perfectly. We want our kids to feel that we trust them. However, checking in and verifying from time to time is simply part of the parenting job. There are plenty of ways our efforts, such as encouraging healthier screen time, can also go off course. Verifying helps ensure things are on track.
At times, blocking systems may fail, or a child, fueled by a strong urge for more screen time, discovers how to circumvent blockers. Kids who do this aren’t bad kids; it just means they’re dealing with competing motivations which can lead to crossing boundaries.
If you follow a “trust and verify” mindset, talk to your child about it. Let them know trust is there, but occasional check-ins are part of responsible parenting.
On that note, I strongly discourage secret monitoring. Not only does it risk damaging trust, but it can also put you in a tough spot later. If you discover something concerning, you’ll likely want to talk to your child about it, which means admitting you were essentially spying. Why set yourself up for that kind of dynamic? It's almost always better to be transparent from the start.
If you stop receiving parental control alerts, notice unusual dips in Wi-Fi or data usage, or observe signs of malfunction, it may indicate your child has bypassed the controls. However, technical issues like software updates, system errors, or power interruptions could also affect their functionality.
Controls should not replace discussions about technology. It's still important to have conversations about screen time rules and choices, such as what is acceptable to watch or play (video games, etc.).
Ideally, have your kids make a list of all kinds of offline activities they can do, so it’s readily available when they ask for more screen time.
Moreover, it’s unwise to assume that controls will always be effective. For example, when it comes to exposure to pornography, relying solely on blockers is unrealistic. While blockers may help to some extent, many kids still encounter porn through older siblings or peers sharing it on their devices.
That is why the number one piece of advice I have been giving for the past nine years, since the release of the first Screenagers film (recently updated), is to set a short time each week to talk about tech time rules and issues.
Recently, I interviewed a middle school principal about cell phone issues at his school. He mentioned that many parents do not realize that numerous kids who aren’t allowed to have social media accounts on their phones maintain such accounts on their friends' phones.
Why do I share this with you? Preteens and early teens are at a peak time for focusing on social acceptance and peer issues. Therefore, the desire to find ways to fit in with their peers is significant. Using social media apps, even when parents have prohibited them, is one such example.
They are not doing this to break trust with parents. Have grace for them.
I often say that this is not us versus them; rather, it’s all of us working on this together.
Show grace to yourself. You might put in a lot of effort to establish parental controls, only to discover they weren’t regulating things as you expected.
You are trying. This is hard. Have grace for yourself. Smile, chuckle, and learn more while trying new things.
If you're looking for guidance on specific parental controls, click here to explore our helpful resource.
As you get started, consider these two approaches:
1. Think like a researcher.
Approach this process with curiosity and patience. Setting up parental controls can be time-consuming and a bit frustrating, but think of it like conducting a science experiment. Good outcomes often take time and careful effort.
2. Involve your child (where appropriate).
This may sound counterintuitive, and it's certainly not right for every situation, but especially with younger children, setting up controls together can be a positive experience. Let your child help explore the options and assist with setup (while you keep passwords private, of course). This sends a powerful message: it's not you vs. them, but you working with them. You're a team working toward the shared goal of a healthier, more balanced relationship with screens this summer (and beyond).
Even if you’ve set up a system to shut down tech, it’s still crucial to keep devices out of the bedroom during sleep. Other times are important too, but if you can only choose one, make it bedtime.
Finally, if you find a system that really starts to help your family, be sure to let others know. Helping others fight fire with fire is a gift they will definitely appreciate, especially knowing they can ask you specific questions about how you did the setup and how you're making it work in your home.
Questions to get the conversation started with your group or family:
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It is very common to have some summer jitters due to all the unstructured time and kids’ desires to fill that time with screens.
One phrase I’ve often used over the years is “fighting fire with fire,” and when it comes to managing screen time, this idea can really come in handy.
Incorporating parental controls into your family’s screen time routine can make things run more smoothly at home. And summer is an ideal time to consider this approach.
I’ve spoken with many families who have had great success using parental controls, especially with preteens and younger children.
Today, I share some of my favorite guidelines for introducing or modifying parental controls in your home. I will also provide an excellent resource of specific parental controls that our team spent a lot of time compiling.
“Trust and verify” is a saying that fits parenting perfectly. We want our kids to feel that we trust them. However, checking in and verifying from time to time is simply part of the parenting job. There are plenty of ways our efforts, such as encouraging healthier screen time, can also go off course. Verifying helps ensure things are on track.
At times, blocking systems may fail, or a child, fueled by a strong urge for more screen time, discovers how to circumvent blockers. Kids who do this aren’t bad kids; it just means they’re dealing with competing motivations which can lead to crossing boundaries.
If you follow a “trust and verify” mindset, talk to your child about it. Let them know trust is there, but occasional check-ins are part of responsible parenting.
On that note, I strongly discourage secret monitoring. Not only does it risk damaging trust, but it can also put you in a tough spot later. If you discover something concerning, you’ll likely want to talk to your child about it, which means admitting you were essentially spying. Why set yourself up for that kind of dynamic? It's almost always better to be transparent from the start.
If you stop receiving parental control alerts, notice unusual dips in Wi-Fi or data usage, or observe signs of malfunction, it may indicate your child has bypassed the controls. However, technical issues like software updates, system errors, or power interruptions could also affect their functionality.
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In today’s blog, you’ll learn how Positive Discipline can transform your approach to parenting screen time. You’ll learn about this potentially transformative parenting technique from renowned Positive Discipline expert Casey O’Roarty. Learn to navigate challenges, foster connection, and empower your child’s self-regulation.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
