I am forever thinking about the challenges of modeling healthier screen time habits for our kids.
One important thing is to identify specific things you want to model.
So often, parents say, “We, parents, all need to model better around this.” The problem with this is big amorphous goals, such as ”I’m going to eat healthier” or “ I need to model screen time better for my kids,” tend to fall by the wayside.
In the past, I have written about other specific ways to model tech time.
Today’s blog is about improving communication and understanding of what people are doing on their devices, and it is also about modeling having more mindfulness of what one is doing.
I offer a model of how to break down screen time and how it can be helpful to model saying to family members which of these three things you are doing on your devices: Tool, Talk, or Treat?
Tools are things that help us to create.
Create is the operative word. For example, a teen may watch a YouTube video to learn how to build bird nests. They are creating. We use our devices to facilitate smarter and more creative brains for all sorts of work and school activities.
Treats are those 42 billion things that our devices serve up to us and let us consume, and consume we will.
In a workshop I did last week with parents and their kids after watching Screenagers, I gave each table two minutes to come up with all the ways they use tech as a treat. It had to be specific — they couldn’t say video games in general — they had to list specific games.
For Talk, envision a Venn diagram. It overlays with Tool and Treat, such as when we talk with friends over FaceTime or make a call to get an oven repaired.
Once you have Tool, Treat, and Talk down, here is the modeling part. See if you can get in the habit of speaking your use out loud by telling your kids how you are using your device when you are on it. You may spontaneously say, “I’m using it for Talk — I am coordinating the carpool for soccer.” You may say, “Work,” and that is it. You don’t always need to go into more detail. And then, of course, specify when you are using your device in Treat mode.
This modeling can improve understanding in the family and give kids a better idea of what you are doing on your device.
Ask any child or teen if they think their parent is on their device too much, and about 70% will say “yes.” I base this loose stat on the informal surveys of thousands of kids and teens I’ve done in small and large group settings for over a decade.
The fact is, we use our devices for work at times when our kids assume we should be more at play. We are also just as susceptible to being pulled to our screens as our kids are. If we feel a bit sheepish to say what we are doing on our screen, it is a great time to reflect on that feeling, i.e., “I may be watching too many YouTube videos of football halftime shows.”
Conversations around what constitutes, Tool, Treat, and Talk help bring self-awareness.
And finally, it can be fun to talk about the borders between these three categories are not cut and dry. Wordle could be considered a treat, but you could also say it is a Tool since you are using your brain to produce words using strategic thinking.
I am forever thinking about the challenges of modeling healthier screen time habits for our kids.
One important thing is to identify specific things you want to model.
So often, parents say, “We, parents, all need to model better around this.” The problem with this is big amorphous goals, such as ”I’m going to eat healthier” or “ I need to model screen time better for my kids,” tend to fall by the wayside.
In the past, I have written about other specific ways to model tech time.
Today’s blog is about improving communication and understanding of what people are doing on their devices, and it is also about modeling having more mindfulness of what one is doing.
I offer a model of how to break down screen time and how it can be helpful to model saying to family members which of these three things you are doing on your devices: Tool, Talk, or Treat?
One of THE most challenging things as a parent is knowing how to respond when our kids break rules around screen time. Today I write about what to do when transgressions happen, consulting about the WISE before taking action and why consequences should be short..
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Having policies/ rules around tech is valuable and worth the work. But I am the last to claim that this is easy. You may know my personal story from Screenagers, where you saw me learning the hard way how critical it is that we find ways to involve our kids in defining screen-tome rules with us — vs. my initial, more top-down techniques. In today’s blog, I give 11 rules/policies to consider for the New Year. And I also include a couple of recent studies you may want to share with your kids.
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As the New Year begins, it's natural to think about resolutions and ways to improve our habits and routines. But instead of focusing on revamping screen time rules, I've been thinking about the moments when my family and I turned off, or turned over, our devices and were more present with each other. One of my resolutions was to share these memories with my family. My hope is that it will foster not only a feeling of gratitude but also create a "family piggy bank" of positive experiences to draw upon when tech troubles inevitably arise.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
