Parents need to talk with kids about pornography because youth can encounter explicit material easily, despite blockers. A simple definition question can open the conversation and clarify that porn is designed for entertainment, not education, and does not show consent, communication, or real relationships. Using media-literacy questions helps boys think critically about sexualized content across media. It is also essential to name that any sexual material involving minors is illegal and must be reported to a trusted adult.
So what is pornography, and how do we talk with our young people about this prickly topic?
Every time I sit down to write about this, I feel a bit of sadness and, frankly, disbelief. It’s hard to accept that we’ve created a society where youth can be just a click away from all sorts of highly explicit sexual material. And yes, parental controls and blockers can help, but the internet is everywhere, and chances are, they will see things somewhere. But we have to talk about it.
Yesterday, I was pleased to have Christopher Pepper and Joanna Schroeder on our podcast to discuss this subject, among others.
Their book, Talk To Your Boys, was recently released, and they offer plenty of thoughtful ideas for parents about how to have these conversations. Below, I’m going to share a couple of the insights they offered.
Before I highlight their key points (and there are many more in the 25-minute podcast, so please check that out), I want to suggest one simple way to open this conversation with your son (or nephew, or even daughter).
Give them this multiple-choice question. I’d suggest printing this blog so you can read the options aloud:
Ask: Which of these is the best definition of pornography?
It’s obvious to any adult which one is correct. The question naturally leads to the next: when should something be considered pornography?
Questions like this are exactly what we want…they spark critical thinking.
And let me say in bold letters that child sexual abuse material (CSAM – sometimes called “child pornography”) is illegal, and we have to bring this up with our youth. If they ever come across anything of that nature, they should immediately tell a trusted adult.
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It skips the real parts of sex, communication, consent, and emotional connection. A relatable analogy helps: watching porn to learn about sex is like watching Fast & Furious to learn how to drive. It can be thrilling, but it’s not realistic. Joanna says that when she uses this analogy with boys, they get it.
Encourage boys to ask thoughtful questions about any sexual or suggestive material they encounter. You don’t have to focus only on pornography. Movies, shows, and even ads often contain sexualized imagery.
Ask questions like: Who made this? Why? What’s missing?
Help them think critically about what they see in porn, music videos, and shows like Euphoria. Media literacy builds awareness that these portrayals rarely include respect, boundaries, or the emotional aspects of intimacy.
Joanna and Christopher offer so much more insight when it comes to helping parents talk with boys about the difference between sexual fantasy and real-life relationships. I hope you can find the time to listen to our podcast conversation.
Learn more about showing our movies in your school or community!
Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for our latest Podcast
Learn more about our Screen-Free Sleep campaign at the website!
Our movie made for parents and educators of younger kids
Learn more about showing our movies in your school or community!
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So what is pornography, and how do we talk with our young people about this prickly topic?
Every time I sit down to write about this, I feel a bit of sadness and, frankly, disbelief. It’s hard to accept that we’ve created a society where youth can be just a click away from all sorts of highly explicit sexual material. And yes, parental controls and blockers can help, but the internet is everywhere, and chances are, they will see things somewhere. But we have to talk about it.
Yesterday, I was pleased to have Christopher Pepper and Joanna Schroeder on our podcast to discuss this subject, among others.
Their book, Talk To Your Boys, was recently released, and they offer plenty of thoughtful ideas for parents about how to have these conversations. Below, I’m going to share a couple of the insights they offered.
Before I highlight their key points (and there are many more in the 25-minute podcast, so please check that out), I want to suggest one simple way to open this conversation with your son (or nephew, or even daughter).
Give them this multiple-choice question. I’d suggest printing this blog so you can read the options aloud:
Ask: Which of these is the best definition of pornography?
It’s obvious to any adult which one is correct. The question naturally leads to the next: when should something be considered pornography?
Questions like this are exactly what we want…they spark critical thinking.
And let me say in bold letters that child sexual abuse material (CSAM – sometimes called “child pornography”) is illegal, and we have to bring this up with our youth. If they ever come across anything of that nature, they should immediately tell a trusted adult.
It skips the real parts of sex, communication, consent, and emotional connection. A relatable analogy helps: watching porn to learn about sex is like watching Fast & Furious to learn how to drive. It can be thrilling, but it’s not realistic. Joanna says that when she uses this analogy with boys, they get it.
Encourage boys to ask thoughtful questions about any sexual or suggestive material they encounter. You don’t have to focus only on pornography. Movies, shows, and even ads often contain sexualized imagery.
Ask questions like: Who made this? Why? What’s missing?
Help them think critically about what they see in porn, music videos, and shows like Euphoria. Media literacy builds awareness that these portrayals rarely include respect, boundaries, or the emotional aspects of intimacy.
Joanna and Christopher offer so much more insight when it comes to helping parents talk with boys about the difference between sexual fantasy and real-life relationships. I hope you can find the time to listen to our podcast conversation.
Subscribe to our YouTube Channel! We add new videos regularly and you'll find over 100 videos covering parenting advice, guidance, podcasts, movie clips and more. Here's our most recent:
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So what is pornography, and how do we talk with our young people about this prickly topic?
Every time I sit down to write about this, I feel a bit of sadness and, frankly, disbelief. It’s hard to accept that we’ve created a society where youth can be just a click away from all sorts of highly explicit sexual material. And yes, parental controls and blockers can help, but the internet is everywhere, and chances are, they will see things somewhere. But we have to talk about it.
Yesterday, I was pleased to have Christopher Pepper and Joanna Schroeder on our podcast to discuss this subject, among others.
Their book, Talk To Your Boys, was recently released, and they offer plenty of thoughtful ideas for parents about how to have these conversations. Below, I’m going to share a couple of the insights they offered.
Before I highlight their key points (and there are many more in the 25-minute podcast, so please check that out), I want to suggest one simple way to open this conversation with your son (or nephew, or even daughter).
Give them this multiple-choice question. I’d suggest printing this blog so you can read the options aloud:
Ask: Which of these is the best definition of pornography?
It’s obvious to any adult which one is correct. The question naturally leads to the next: when should something be considered pornography?
Questions like this are exactly what we want…they spark critical thinking.
And let me say in bold letters that child sexual abuse material (CSAM – sometimes called “child pornography”) is illegal, and we have to bring this up with our youth. If they ever come across anything of that nature, they should immediately tell a trusted adult.
In today's blog I introduce and give a brief summary of my recent podcast conversation with Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD, psychologist and author of Sexism and Sensibility, where we spoke about many topics such as how to raise girls with fierce ambition and critical awareness of gender inequality without making them feel disheartened? And how we can help boys understand the hidden costs of rigid masculinity without shaming them into silence?
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
