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So what is pornography, and how do we talk with our young people about this prickly topic?
Every time I sit down to write about this, I feel a bit of sadness and, frankly, disbelief. It’s hard to accept that we’ve created a society where youth can be just a click away from all sorts of highly explicit sexual material. And yes, parental controls and blockers can help, but the internet is everywhere, and chances are, they will see things somewhere. But we have to talk about it.
Yesterday, I was pleased to have Christopher Pepper and Joanna Schroeder on our podcast to discuss this subject, among others.
Their book, Talk To Your Boys, was recently released, and they offer plenty of thoughtful ideas for parents about how to have these conversations. Below, I’m going to share a couple of the insights they offered.
Before I highlight their key points (and there are many more in the 25-minute podcast, so please check that out), I want to suggest one simple way to open this conversation with your son (or nephew, or even daughter).
Give them this multiple-choice question. I’d suggest printing this blog so you can read the options aloud:
Ask: Which of these is the best definition of pornography?
It’s obvious to any adult which one is correct. The question naturally leads to the next: when should something be considered pornography?
Questions like this are exactly what we want…they spark critical thinking.
And let me say in bold letters that child sexual abuse material (CSAM – sometimes called “child pornography”) is illegal, and we have to bring this up with our youth. If they ever come across anything of that nature, they should immediately tell a trusted adult.
1. Explain that porn is designed for entertainment, not education.
It skips the real parts of sex, communication, consent, and emotional connection. A relatable analogy helps: watching porn to learn about sex is like watching Fast & Furious to learn how to drive. It can be thrilling, but it’s not realistic. Joanna says that when she uses this analogy with boys, they get it.
2. Use a media literacy framework.
Encourage boys to ask thoughtful questions about any sexual or suggestive material they encounter. You don’t have to focus only on pornography. Movies, shows, and even ads often contain sexualized imagery.
Ask questions like: Who made this? Why? What’s missing?
Help them think critically about what they see in porn, music videos, and shows like Euphoria. Media literacy builds awareness that these portrayals rarely include respect, boundaries, or the emotional aspects of intimacy.
Joanna and Christopher offer so much more insight when it comes to helping parents talk with boys about the difference between sexual fantasy and real-life relationships. I hope you can find the time to listen to our podcast conversation.
Questions to Get the Conversation Started:
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So what is pornography, and how do we talk with our young people about this prickly topic?
Every time I sit down to write about this, I feel a bit of sadness and, frankly, disbelief. It’s hard to accept that we’ve created a society where youth can be just a click away from all sorts of highly explicit sexual material. And yes, parental controls and blockers can help, but the internet is everywhere, and chances are, they will see things somewhere. But we have to talk about it.
Yesterday, I was pleased to have Christopher Pepper and Joanna Schroeder on our podcast to discuss this subject, among others.
Their book, Talk To Your Boys, was recently released, and they offer plenty of thoughtful ideas for parents about how to have these conversations. Below, I’m going to share a couple of the insights they offered.
Before I highlight their key points (and there are many more in the 25-minute podcast, so please check that out), I want to suggest one simple way to open this conversation with your son (or nephew, or even daughter).
Give them this multiple-choice question. I’d suggest printing this blog so you can read the options aloud:
Ask: Which of these is the best definition of pornography?
It’s obvious to any adult which one is correct. The question naturally leads to the next: when should something be considered pornography?
Questions like this are exactly what we want…they spark critical thinking.
And let me say in bold letters that child sexual abuse material (CSAM – sometimes called “child pornography”) is illegal, and we have to bring this up with our youth. If they ever come across anything of that nature, they should immediately tell a trusted adult.
Today’s TTT is about whether including the topic of porn in sex education should happen or not is a keen way of instigating dialogue with tweens and teens about porn. And remember, smartphones are unfortunately an easy portal into porn, so nudging ourselves to talk more frequently about porn is so important — these are not easy conversations to have.
READ MORE >
Not surprisingly, reports on porn use have shown an upswing of use during COVID. Today I have tips on how to have those necessary and challenging conversations about this with our kids and teens.
READ MORE >
Who ever thought that we would be living in a world where porn would just pop up unannounced on our screens? Porn is just a click away for so many of our kids and I strongly believe that we as parents need is to start talking about inappropriate media sooner rather than later. But what do you say and at what age?
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
