“Anytime we've introduced a new ritual into our family, it's made our family better.” — Tiffany Shlain
As the world starts to open up more, and household members are newly pulled in different directions, I thought it was the perfect time to consider how families can create routines to feel connected.
I’m currently gathering stories to share about families experimenting with defined times for togetherness, undivided by screens. And if you have one that you might want to share (and it can be anonymous if you want), please email me at delaney@screenagersmovie.
For the first one, I interviewed Tiffany Shlain, a fellow filmmaker, and changemaker along with her daughter Odessa, who is graduating from high school this year. Tiffany has been interested in the issue of tech balance for a long time, and last year she published a book called 24/6, The Power of Unplugging One Day a Week. At its core, it looks at how her family has been unplugging for years with their weekly “Tech Shabbat.”
I interviewed Tiffany and Odessa for the Screenagers Podcast and had such a fun and enlightening conversation. I got gritty in asking about all the obstacles and pushbacks I could see happening in many homes with their setup. I highly recommend listening to the Screenagers Podcast with any youth in your life.
In the meantime, here are some excerpts from the interview. There are many more practical takeaways in the full podcast episode. (Of note, the text below has some slight editing from the actual podcast for clarity).
Odessa: “We don't use a screen for 24 hours from Friday night to Saturday night — from Shabbat dinner on Friday night, which is around seven now until 5 pm sharp on Saturday.”
Tiffany: “The Start Time of Shabbat kind of changes depending on the weather. We've been having it outside, and we've been doing it for over 11 years.”
Tiffany: “I'm Jewish, we are not religious, but I would say very culturally Jewish. For those that don't know what Shabbat is, for most American Jews, it’s like a nice Friday night meal with candles, challah, [and such] …and we have done a modern interpretation of it in our home, which we call Tech Shabbat, which means no screens because to us, that is rest in the 21st century when we're so inundated with screens and notifications. It really is about turning off screens.
Where it started was I was feeling so distracted. My husband and I are very immersed in tech. He's a professor of robotics. I founded the Webby Awards. …We got the iPhones first out of the gate. And I hated the way I was feeling so distracted. And then I had this dramatic couple of weeks in my life where I lost my father to brain cancer, and my second daughter Blooma was born. [Blooma is now 12] It was really one of those wake-up moments of life grabbing me by the shoulders and saying, how do you want to live your life.”
Odessa: “I don't consider it as depriving myself of anything. I do remember when we started, I was six. I remember the significant factor was that I was not going to have any Saturday morning cartoons. But since then, it's really something I do, just like another contour of my week.”
Odessa: “Friday night usually starts with my mom and I going to Whole Foods to pick up groceries for our Shabbat dinner, and then we have like a half-hour of setting up, we put on music and set out appetizers. Then, we have our guests, we have this big Shabbat dinner outside where we have lots of rituals with our Shabbat, and we have the same exact food every Friday.”
Tiffany:“It's all home-cooked, same meal every time.”
Odessa: “And then we sleep really well. And then the next morning, we do a variety of things, but there are some common themes. Normally it's sleeping in, we go on a walk with our dog and some other sort of hike or physical activity. Sometimes we go to the farmers market or cook some elaborate meal.”
Tiffany: “We read, and we play music. It’s like a day of joy but kind of like analog joy.”
Odessa: “No work, that is the central tenet of Shabbat.”
Tiffany: “We've done it with two kids in soccer. If it's a crazy emergency, we do have a landline. I had a mom on another team that would call me if the field changed, but we've had only a couple mess ups in 11 years.”
Odessa: “I don't normally make plans for Saturday because honestly, like, even though socializing is wonderful, it's another kind of work. It’s not that I don't enjoy seeing my friends. I do recognize that as an introvert, it's draining for me.”
(In the podcast, Odessa does mention exceptions.)
Tiffany: “I will usually send an email right before they [guests] come, asking if they have any food allergies, here’s our address again, and I give a reminder, we're screen-free. And most of the time, people remember.”
Odessa: “It's going to be a little bit more difficult when my whole family is not going to be doing Tech Shabbat around me because right now, it's definitely like we live in a little bit of a bubble. But I definitely plan not to do homework on Shabbat and to use my phone as little as possible. But also noting that I might need it for navigation or things I can’t avoid.
Tiffany: “In my book 24/6, there's a lot of different strategies, because you don't want to say to your kids, no screens one day a week, that's like the worst approach to anything … i.e., things being taken away. Instead, what do we all wish we did more of as a family — and then fill the day with that. It has to be a day of joy, or it’s not going to work.”
“Anytime we've introduced a new ritual into our family, it's made our family better.” — Tiffany Shlain
As the world starts to open up more, and household members are newly pulled in different directions, I thought it was the perfect time to consider how families can create routines to feel connected.
I’m currently gathering stories to share about families experimenting with defined times for togetherness, undivided by screens. And if you have one that you might want to share (and it can be anonymous if you want), please email me at delaney@screenagersmovie.
For the first one, I interviewed Tiffany Shlain, a fellow filmmaker, and changemaker along with her daughter Odessa, who is graduating from high school this year. Tiffany has been interested in the issue of tech balance for a long time, and last year she published a book called 24/6, The Power of Unplugging One Day a Week. At its core, it looks at how her family has been unplugging for years with their weekly “Tech Shabbat.”
I interviewed Tiffany and Odessa for the Screenagers Podcast and had such a fun and enlightening conversation. I got gritty in asking about all the obstacles and pushbacks I could see happening in many homes with their setup. I highly recommend listening to the Screenagers Podcast with any youth in your life.
In the meantime, here are some excerpts from the interview. There are many more practical takeaways in the full podcast episode. (Of note, the text below has some slight editing from the actual podcast for clarity).
Odessa: “We don't use a screen for 24 hours from Friday night to Saturday night — from Shabbat dinner on Friday night, which is around seven now until 5 pm sharp on Saturday.”
Tiffany: “The Start Time of Shabbat kind of changes depending on the weather. We've been having it outside, and we've been doing it for over 11 years.”
Tiffany: “I'm Jewish, we are not religious, but I would say very culturally Jewish. For those that don't know what Shabbat is, for most American Jews, it’s like a nice Friday night meal with candles, challah, [and such] …and we have done a modern interpretation of it in our home, which we call Tech Shabbat, which means no screens because to us, that is rest in the 21st century when we're so inundated with screens and notifications. It really is about turning off screens.
Where it started was I was feeling so distracted. My husband and I are very immersed in tech. He's a professor of robotics. I founded the Webby Awards. …We got the iPhones first out of the gate. And I hated the way I was feeling so distracted. And then I had this dramatic couple of weeks in my life where I lost my father to brain cancer, and my second daughter Blooma was born. [Blooma is now 12] It was really one of those wake-up moments of life grabbing me by the shoulders and saying, how do you want to live your life.”
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Plain and simple, there is one thing I recommend doing during the holidays for love and laughter. Bring out old photo albums and put them in a high-trafficked spot in your home — be it the kitchen table or a table in a living room. I predict we won’t have photo albums in the future, but we do right now.
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READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
