In these past few days, we are experiencing an intensity that is hard to put in words. I am not going to write about all that is happening in the wake of a pandemic, protests, politics, and so much more. What I want to focus on is how we help our kids emotionally and mentally right now. Social media and news are playing a major role in many of their lives currently. Social media can connect youth with others, but at the same time, there are increasingly more taxing and painful posts of yelling, riots, death.
Teens say they have never seen Instagram change so quickly. For example, today many people are posting black squares for #blackouttuesday. These past few days, it is only socially acceptable to post about the current events happening. If anything gets posted that is not related to the issues at hand, then people write “Read The Room” — meaning don’t post your usual content, such as a photo of a sunset or a happy selfie.
With all this intensity happening on social media, it is more important than ever to figure out effective ways to be engaged in our kids’ lives. I have some suggestions here and I hope some bit of it may feel helpful.
Validate, validate, validate
Youth are extremely energized by what is going on, and social media is on fire, particularly, Instagram with calls to action. Many of us, including myself, want to help our teens see the 360-degree view of the situations, but that reaction often makes them feel we don’t respect what they are feeling. Validation is letting them know that you understand why they think something and that it is valid. It does not mean you condone it, or agree with them, although you very well might. It is saying you love them, and you want to understand how they see things. What they believe is so important, and we want them to know that.
The power of other adults
One of the key things parents can do right now is to purposely enlist the wonderful wisdom of other adults to share with their kids. For example, my co-producer, Lisa, called her younger brother, who is close to her 16-year-old daughter, to have him talk to her about things she can do right now that are safe and useful. He stressed to her that going to big protests right now was not a wise idea for various reasons including Covid-19 risk and the potential for violence. He suggested instead, she put her energy into learning all she can at this moment. His words resonated with her.
Take advantage of nature to soothe emotions
I have been amazed by the number of birds I find that now let me get close to them and watch them pick up sticks and eat worms. My stress melts as I watch these scenes. If your kids or teens are not already unplugging to go outside, what are new ways that might entice them to? Things you could consider saying could include telling them you want to show them some cool nature you discover, or perhaps you can tell them you are feeling emotional and it would help your mood if during the day they had 15 minutes to go on a walk with you. You could ask another family to meet outside altogether (staying distant, of course). When our kids unplug and get outside, we all know how it can lift their spirits.
Calm, calm, calm, family conversations
Pull out an old photo, grab special cookies, show them a quick magic trick, do whatever you can do to bring the family together, lay on the rug, and just hug for a moment. Can all the outside images on screens be put aside for a few minutes during a family talk? Talk about anything, talk about the issues of the day, and focus on calm, calm, calm.
Be their sounding board for news
Work to get information to your children that you want them to see. One parent made sure to text her daughter key information she wanted her to know about current events. She knew emailing would not get it to her, but texting would. The information was reliable and not overly sensationalized. The sound, fact-based news brought clarity to some key issues. Her daughter read the text and found it helpful.
Help them get some sleep
The data is so convincing that sleep is critical for the emotional health of our youth, and teens tell me that now that they are on their screens until 1 or 2 a.m. They need a break, and so many upsetting incidents are playing out late at night, which will cause their minds and hearts to race, keeping them up longer. Furthermore, you may be asleep and not there to tune into what they are feeling. When I ask teens if they need help ensuring getting to sleep earlier, many say yes that they do want their parent(s) to make sure their phone goes out of the bedroom. Others may not be happy at first, but after a few nights of better sleep, they may agree it’s worth it.
Here are some ways to approach it:
Consider saying something like, “We are in such an intense and stressful time, and for me, I want to parent with integrity, and to be the best parent I can be, I really need to help get you a little more sleep than you have been getting. I know you want to be with your phone (or other devices) at night, but now is the time when sleep has to be the priority.”
Consider everyone shutting down together. If you normally have a device in your room, perhaps you can say how you too are going to keep devices out of your room for this extremely volatile time so you too can get the best sleep possible so to be able to be your best self when facing everything in the day.
Final thought
Civic engagement is a good thing, no matter your politics. Our kids are thinking about these topics right now. Let's be a source of support and engage them in all the important topics of these intense times.
Here are a few questions to get the conversation going:
We NOW have a way for people to host online events during this time. We still strongly believe in the coming together as a group model for showing both movies, so these temporary online events will be here only while the social distancing is in place.
Click here if you are interested in hosting an ONLINE screening for your community.
Click here if you want to attend an ONLINE screening.
June 2, 2020
In these past few days, we are experiencing an intensity that is hard to put in words. I am not going to write about all that is happening in the wake of a pandemic, protests, politics, and so much more. What I want to focus on is how we help our kids emotionally and mentally right now. Social media and news are playing a major role in many of their lives currently. Social media can connect youth with others, but at the same time, there are increasingly more taxing and painful posts of yelling, riots, death.
Teens say they have never seen Instagram change so quickly. For example, today many people are posting black squares for #blackouttuesday. These past few days, it is only socially acceptable to post about the current events happening. If anything gets posted that is not related to the issues at hand, then people write “Read The Room” — meaning don’t post your usual content, such as a photo of a sunset or a happy selfie.
With all this intensity happening on social media, it is more important than ever to figure out effective ways to be engaged in our kids’ lives. I have some suggestions here and I hope some bit of it may feel helpful.
Validate, validate, validate
Youth are extremely energized by what is going on, and social media is on fire, particularly, Instagram with calls to action. Many of us, including myself, want to help our teens see the 360-degree view of the situations, but that reaction often makes them feel we don’t respect what they are feeling. Validation is letting them know that you understand why they think something and that it is valid. It does not mean you condone it, or agree with them, although you very well might. It is saying you love them, and you want to understand how they see things. What they believe is so important, and we want them to know that.
The power of other adults
One of the key things parents can do right now is to purposely enlist the wonderful wisdom of other adults to share with their kids. For example, my co-producer, Lisa, called her younger brother, who is close to her 16-year-old daughter, to have him talk to her about things she can do right now that are safe and useful. He stressed to her that going to big protests right now was not a wise idea for various reasons including Covid-19 risk and the potential for violence. He suggested instead, she put her energy into learning all she can at this moment. His words resonated with her.
Take advantage of nature to soothe emotions
I have been amazed by the number of birds I find that now let me get close to them and watch them pick up sticks and eat worms. My stress melts as I watch these scenes. If your kids or teens are not already unplugging to go outside, what are new ways that might entice them to? Things you could consider saying could include telling them you want to show them some cool nature you discover, or perhaps you can tell them you are feeling emotional and it would help your mood if during the day they had 15 minutes to go on a walk with you. You could ask another family to meet outside altogether (staying distant, of course). When our kids unplug and get outside, we all know how it can lift their spirits.
Calm, calm, calm, family conversations
Pull out an old photo, grab special cookies, show them a quick magic trick, do whatever you can do to bring the family together, lay on the rug, and just hug for a moment. Can all the outside images on screens be put aside for a few minutes during a family talk? Talk about anything, talk about the issues of the day, and focus on calm, calm, calm.
Be their sounding board for news
Work to get information to your children that you want them to see. One parent made sure to text her daughter key information she wanted her to know about current events. She knew emailing would not get it to her, but texting would. The information was reliable and not overly sensationalized. The sound, fact-based news brought clarity to some key issues. Her daughter read the text and found it helpful.
Help them get some sleep
The data is so convincing that sleep is critical for the emotional health of our youth, and teens tell me that now that they are on their screens until 1 or 2 a.m. They need a break, and so many upsetting incidents are playing out late at night, which will cause their minds and hearts to race, keeping them up longer. Furthermore, you may be asleep and not there to tune into what they are feeling. When I ask teens if they need help ensuring getting to sleep earlier, many say yes that they do want their parent(s) to make sure their phone goes out of the bedroom. Others may not be happy at first, but after a few nights of better sleep, they may agree it’s worth it.
Here are some ways to approach it:
Consider saying something like, “We are in such an intense and stressful time, and for me, I want to parent with integrity, and to be the best parent I can be, I really need to help get you a little more sleep than you have been getting. I know you want to be with your phone (or other devices) at night, but now is the time when sleep has to be the priority.”
Consider everyone shutting down together. If you normally have a device in your room, perhaps you can say how you too are going to keep devices out of your room for this extremely volatile time so you too can get the best sleep possible so to be able to be your best self when facing everything in the day.
Final thought
Civic engagement is a good thing, no matter your politics. Our kids are thinking about these topics right now. Let's be a source of support and engage them in all the important topics of these intense times.
Here are a few questions to get the conversation going:
We NOW have a way for people to host online events during this time. We still strongly believe in the coming together as a group model for showing both movies, so these temporary online events will be here only while the social distancing is in place.
Click here if you are interested in hosting an ONLINE screening for your community.
Click here if you want to attend an ONLINE screening.
June 2, 2020
When was the last time you can recall apologizing to your child or teen? Apologizing to kids can have multiple positive effects. And, if you are not in the habit of doing this much, today is a great day to consider offering one out of the blue. Today, I review a few reasons why apologies are such a powerful part of parenting, a key part of nurturing a stronger relationship and teaching communication skills. I also share an apology I gave my daughter not that long ago.
READ MORE >
In our new film, Screenagers Under the Influence: Addressing Vaping, Drugs, and Alcohol in the Digital Age, adolescent psychologist Laura Kastner discusses the importance of natural and logical consequences. Natural consequences directly respond to a person's actions or inactions, while logical consequences have some connection to the behavior being addressed. Read in today’s blog more about how this type of punishment can backfire.
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When thinking about burnout, we generally connect it to work, feeling like the demands are too high and nothing we do makes a difference. We can also get burned out from the job of parenting. Today, I provide strategies to help combat parental burnout, drawing from the organizational psychologist Adam Grant’s ways to address burnout in the workplace by using these three components: demand, control, and support.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
