Shopping has never been easier. Half-off emails, super sale ads and "don’t miss" deals inundate our inboxes and social media feeds. This is a hard temptation to resist, especially if your self-control muscles are still developing like they are in our kids’ brains.
One of our team’s sons repeatedly bought skateboarding gear using his mom’s PayPal account. “It went on for a couple of months until we noticed what was going on,” she says. Another friend’s daughter racked up $200 worth of charges on Apple. “It wasn’t until we saw the credit card statement that we realized she was buying movies, games and in-app purchases. Luckily, Apple was very generous about reversing most of the charges.”
Of course, not all kids and teens are buying things online, but many spend lots of time browsing retail sites, such as clothing sites. Some days I see my 16-year old daughter toggling back and forth between clothing sites and her homework sites.
An important thing to talk with kids about is whether they can stop and recognize the urge to leave their studies and go to another tab—before they actually do that. And where is the urge stemming from? Is it surfacing from a homework problem that seems too hard? Or, might it come from a sense of anxiety because it's late in the evening and they feel pressure to finish so checking out a fashion site relieves the stress? Can they sit with the urge and not react but notice it passing on its own?
Here is a funny aside that relates to all this. Last weekend I was thinking about meditation and how on the one hand it seems so simple—it is all about focusing on the breath and not jumping on the train of passing thoughts. On the other hand, meditation is about changing the way our brains operate—the real goal of meditation is to see an urge and then not jump to act on the urge but to stop and decide how you want to respond. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS TO DO AGAIN AND AGAIN! Yep, we all do. It is all about the practice.
For this week's TTT here are some questions that you may find useful:
Shopping has never been easier. Half-off emails, super sale ads and "don’t miss" deals inundate our inboxes and social media feeds. This is a hard temptation to resist, especially if your self-control muscles are still developing like they are in our kids’ brains.
One of our team’s sons repeatedly bought skateboarding gear using his mom’s PayPal account. “It went on for a couple of months until we noticed what was going on,” she says. Another friend’s daughter racked up $200 worth of charges on Apple. “It wasn’t until we saw the credit card statement that we realized she was buying movies, games and in-app purchases. Luckily, Apple was very generous about reversing most of the charges.”
Of course, not all kids and teens are buying things online, but many spend lots of time browsing retail sites, such as clothing sites. Some days I see my 16-year old daughter toggling back and forth between clothing sites and her homework sites.
An important thing to talk with kids about is whether they can stop and recognize the urge to leave their studies and go to another tab—before they actually do that. And where is the urge stemming from? Is it surfacing from a homework problem that seems too hard? Or, might it come from a sense of anxiety because it's late in the evening and they feel pressure to finish so checking out a fashion site relieves the stress? Can they sit with the urge and not react but notice it passing on its own?
Here is a funny aside that relates to all this. Last weekend I was thinking about meditation and how on the one hand it seems so simple—it is all about focusing on the breath and not jumping on the train of passing thoughts. On the other hand, meditation is about changing the way our brains operate—the real goal of meditation is to see an urge and then not jump to act on the urge but to stop and decide how you want to respond. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS TO DO AGAIN AND AGAIN! Yep, we all do. It is all about the practice.
For this week's TTT here are some questions that you may find useful:
When I give workshops to students, they get wide-eyed when I tell them, “Our brains are designed for challenge,” and then go on to explain how this relates to boredom, video games, and social media. Boredom is not a mild ho-hum type feeling — it is a very unpleasant sensation, particularly if you are a young person. It’s the brain’s way of saying that it wants something to ponder.
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While compiling the list of non-tech gifts for this holiday season, I so enjoyed the distraction from the complexities and uncertainties of COVID. This is my 6th annual Screenagers' gift list and brings 25 unique, creative present ideas for all ages.
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There is a long-standing belief that dinner needs to be about checking in with everyone about their day mainly, and then, from there, people can bring up other topics. There is also a myth that this should be satisfying enough for everyone at the table.The truth is some kids and teens get a bit frustrated or bored by dinnertime. Today I propose ways to add some spice to your regular dinner routine by sharing some fun dinner activities.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
