As I write today’s blog, my daughter Tessa is sitting in front of me doing her homework. She just started a master’s program to become an elementary school teacher. She is very excited about this, and I couldn’t be happier about her choosing this path. 

What I am thinking about at this moment is how Tessa is choosing to use AI in her learning. How will her future students? 

This second Tessa shows me her poem, which she just wrote, and a vision board she created (today’s graphic). My first question was, “Did you use chat to help write the poem?” She said, “No, but I did think about that option.”

I must confess, I was happy she said no, but like all of us, she will use AI at times, and many times, rightly so. 

(*By the way, she said I could share her poem, and if you are interested, you can find it at the end of this blog.)

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Today, I am writing about this new world where AI is always available. 

We want our kids to be motivated to learn, face challenges, and generate their own ideas. However, school often assigns work that doesn't inspire interest, and now AI provides an easy shortcut. Instead of struggling through it, students can simply ask a chatbot for answers or even complete assignments. 

I will share new data and a framework that explains what is happening, along with five ways parents can help kids stay engaged in learning.

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Key data

This year, the Brookings Institution, which I hold in high regard, released a fascinating new report titled The Disengagement Gap: Why Student Engagement Isn’t What Parents Expect. The report was led by researcher Rebecca Winthrop.

The study surveyed 65,000 students in grades 3–12 and nearly 2,000 parents.

A couple of key findings:

• It found that only 29 percent of 10th graders said they learn things that interested them, while 71 percent of parents with 10th graders believed their kids did. 
• Similarly, only 39 percent of 10th graders reported that they feel a sense of belonging at school most of the time, compared to 62 percent of parents who thought that their kids felt that way.

The point is that we parents often make assumptions that don't align with our kids’ experiences. 

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What is motivation

The report explains that motivation is the internal drive for learning, while engagement reflects how that drive manifests in students’ actions, thoughts, feelings, and initiative. The authors describe four patterns of engagement that students may switch between depending on the types of learning settings and experiences they encounter.

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4 types of engagement:

• Resister: Students actively push back against school, showing frustration through behaviors like skipping class, disrupting lessons, or refusing assignments.
• Passenger: These students go through the motions without much interest or effort, attending class but staying disengaged and unmotivated.
• Achiever: Students who apply themselves, complete tasks, and perform well, often driven by external rewards like grades or approval rather than deep curiosity.
• Explorer: Learners who engage with genuine interest, ask questions, seek out challenges, and pursue knowledge for its own sake.

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4 ways we parents can support our kids in spending more time in Explorer mode:

Adopt an autonomy-supportive approach. Be really respectful and excited about the areas that your child naturally cares about. ‍

Why it works: When kids feel a sense of choice and ownership, they engage more deeply rather than simply complying.

Strengthen self-awareness through metacognitive questions. Ask questions like “How do you stay focused when things feel distracting?” or “What helps you calm down before a big test?” rather than rushing to solve problems for them.‍

Why it works: Reflecting on how they learn builds agency and helps them direct their own growth.

Support their interests outside school. Show curiosity in what excites your child, whether it is a hobby, sport, or online project, and help them find ways to challenge themselves in those areas.‍

Why it works: When passions are validated, kids feel seen and are more likely to bring that energy back into their academic life.

Share experiences to spark curiosity together. Read a book alongside your child, visit a museum, or explore a topic together and talk about what stood out to each of you.‍

Why it works: Shared learning strengthens connection and models curiosity as something valuable in everyday life.

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Questions to get the conversation started: 

• What do we think about these four types of engagement?
• What parts of school do you feel like you will be most interested in this year?
• Can you think of a time when learning felt exciting instead of just something you had to do?
• How do you think AI helps with learning, and how might it sometimes get in the way?

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*Tessa’s poem for her homework assignment, which was to do a journal entry about “My Teacher Pedagogy.”  

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My Teacher Pedagogy

My Nonna once sat me

down and gifted me a list

of games to use with the

kids I babysat.

Like a lot of my family,

she took great pride in

being an educator.

The list ranged from

naming all the sounds we

could hear to pretending to

play tug-of-war with a rope

made of imaginary

materials.

I don't want to be simply a

"teacher", I want to be a

life-long learner who

inspires children to be one

too.

Our future will be molded

by listening, imagining,

and fighting for a society

far less shattered than

today's.

I teach for my Nonna and my

Great-Nonna. I teach for my

kids and your great-grandkids.

I teach for yesterday, today,

and for a day we cannot yet

picture.

Dreaming is a good start.

September 5, 2025

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