From Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto to violence and gunfire in movies and shows, aggression is a constant backdrop in boys’ media diets.
Fitness influencers glorify big muscles and strength (something Jonathan Haidt discusses in our latest film, Screenagers Elementary School Age Edition) while popular online personalities like Jake and Logan Paul, iShowSpeed, and MrBeast frame success around competition, dominance, and winning.
Meanwhile, in darker corners of the internet, manosphere and red-pill voices push messages that equate masculinity with control and promote troubling attitudes toward women and what it means to be a man.
These influences hand boys a narrow script for masculinity. While many boys know this is not the full story, the pressure is real. It shapes how they act in gaming chats, how they talk with friends online, and how they think about themselves.
As parents, one of the most important things we can do is offer a counterweight. We can help boys strengthen empathy, compassion, and respect as core traits of masculinity, so they have a broader, healthier vision of who they can become.
In our latest Parenting in the Screen Age podcast, I spoke with Christopher Pepper, a longtime San Francisco teacher who has led boys’ health groups in schools, and Joanna Schroeder, a journalist who writes extensively about gender and parenting.
Together they’ve co-authored the new book Talk To Your Boys: 16 Conversations to Help Tweens and Teens Grow Into Confident, Caring Young Men, already featured on CNN and other outlets.
Here are three strategies (among many) they shared that can help boys push back against the pressures of aggressive masculinity and strengthen their capacity for empathy:
One of my favorite takeaways was Joanna’s focus on “interrupters,” which are people’s simple, direct actions that halt harm.
“Even a quick ‘That’s not cool’ in a group chat or a private DM goes a long way,” Joanna explained.
Interruption can also mean distraction. For example, if they hear a player use a racist insult in an online game, they could say, “Don’t be racist…hey, look at this new quest,”, or a parent calling out from the next room, “I’m listening,” to reset the tone.
These moves help protect targets and model courage without escalating conflict.
Whether on gaming platforms or social media, it’s easy for kids to forget there are real people with real struggles on the other side.
“Remind them that the people they’re playing with are just other kids trying to get through their day,” Chris urged.
Joanna added that assuming someone’s life may be harder than it seems can naturally steer boys toward empathy and kinder choices.
Chris reminded me how powerful it is for parents to clearly state what they believe. Many adults assume kids “just know” that slurs or cruel teasing are wrong. But boys want to hear our stance.
“We want to know what the adults in our lives think and we want to hear from them regularly,” Chris said.
He talked about the incredible power of bringing up different real-life scenarios and, based on our own values, how we would have handled things.
Chris often says, “I heard someone say (such and such) today; here’s how I would have handled it.” There is no lecture… just lived guidance. I love that.
And in closing, let me reiterate that the podcast episode with Christopher and Joanna, titled Talking To Your Boys: Masculinity, Gaming, and Their Online Lives, has many other wise pointers. I hope you listen and share it with others.
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From Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto to violence and gunfire in movies and shows, aggression is a constant backdrop in boys’ media diets.
Fitness influencers glorify big muscles and strength (something Jonathan Haidt discusses in our latest film, Screenagers Elementary School Age Edition) while popular online personalities like Jake and Logan Paul, iShowSpeed, and MrBeast frame success around competition, dominance, and winning.
Meanwhile, in darker corners of the internet, manosphere and red-pill voices push messages that equate masculinity with control and promote troubling attitudes toward women and what it means to be a man.
These influences hand boys a narrow script for masculinity. While many boys know this is not the full story, the pressure is real. It shapes how they act in gaming chats, how they talk with friends online, and how they think about themselves.
As parents, one of the most important things we can do is offer a counterweight. We can help boys strengthen empathy, compassion, and respect as core traits of masculinity, so they have a broader, healthier vision of who they can become.
In our latest Parenting in the Screen Age podcast, I spoke with Christopher Pepper, a longtime San Francisco teacher who has led boys’ health groups in schools, and Joanna Schroeder, a journalist who writes extensively about gender and parenting.
Together they’ve co-authored the new book Talk To Your Boys: 16 Conversations to Help Tweens and Teens Grow Into Confident, Caring Young Men, already featured on CNN and other outlets.
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