Cold shouldering, yelling, phone snatching, laptop pounding — you name it, it happens. We parents, at times, lose our cool when trying to manage tech time with our kids. We are far from perfect angels, and we act in ways we sometimes regret, be it a situation with tech, running late to pick them up (guilty as charged), or saying something that comes off as very judgemental (again, guilty as charged).
So ponder this: When was the last time you can recall apologizing to your child or teen?
Apologizing to kids can have multiple positive effects. And, if you are not in the habit of doing this much, today is a great day to consider offering one out of the blue.
If you are already good at apologizing, how about trying a more challenging apology? For example, you didn’t intend to glance at their laptop and see an open email. Still, you did, and you learned some things that you need to discuss with them, but you regret and want to apologize that you didn’t stop yourself from reading the email (yet again, guilty as charged).
Today, I review a few reasons why apologies are such a powerful part of parenting, a key part of nurturing a stronger relationship and teaching communication skills. I also share an apology I gave my daughter not that long ago.
Not long ago, Tessa, my daughter, called me upset about a summer job issue. I could feel all her emotions transfer to me, and my empathetic response wanted to problem-solve. Yet I know she prefers that I don’t chime in and start doing this, but rather, she prefers that I ask her if she wants any suggestions.
Before I could stop myself, I started chiming in. I said, “Look, it's not fair that you don’t get even one break at work. Just tell him you have to get a break.” Immediately, Tessa went silent and said, “I didn’t ask you to problem-solve!” She was upset with me and said goodbye.
I knew I wanted to do what I call a “Repair and Retry” — inspired by “Rinse and Repeat.”
I waited an hour to let her have space. And then I texted, “I would love to call when you have a sec.” When we spoke, I said I recognized that I went to problem-solving quickly. I was sorry and would be more mindful next time to ask if she wanted help brainstorming solutions. The call went well.
One thing I know for sure: if you were to ask my kids if I did a good amount of apologizing over the years, they would say a resounding “Yes” right away. They would be smiling when they would say it because they have told me over the years that they really appreciated and learned from my habit of doing this.
This apologizing practice has been influenced by my time as a researcher in human communication in the health field. A long line of data shows patients highly appreciate being apologized to by medical providers when warranted. When warranted, I do this with my patients.
Questions to get the conversations started:
Here is a video from the Screenagers YouTube Channel that talks more about this subject
Cold shouldering, yelling, phone snatching, laptop pounding — you name it, it happens. We parents, at times, lose our cool when trying to manage tech time with our kids. We are far from perfect angels, and we act in ways we sometimes regret, be it a situation with tech, running late to pick them up (guilty as charged), or saying something that comes off as very judgemental (again, guilty as charged).
So ponder this: When was the last time you can recall apologizing to your child or teen?
Apologizing to kids can have multiple positive effects. And, if you are not in the habit of doing this much, today is a great day to consider offering one out of the blue.
If you are already good at apologizing, how about trying a more challenging apology? For example, you didn’t intend to glance at their laptop and see an open email. Still, you did, and you learned some things that you need to discuss with them, but you regret and want to apologize that you didn’t stop yourself from reading the email (yet again, guilty as charged).
Today, I review a few reasons why apologies are such a powerful part of parenting, a key part of nurturing a stronger relationship and teaching communication skills. I also share an apology I gave my daughter not that long ago.
Yesterday, I released a new Screenagers Podcast episode titled "From Junk Food to Social Media: How Teens Get Manipulated" In it, David Yeager, PhD, discusses a study on youth social media use and manipulation. Today's blog also features an excerpt on his intervention, reducing kids' sugary food intake by 30% for months.
READ MORE >The topic of our traumas and our parenting is such an important one because when things set us off due to our own hard experiences, whether in childhood or later, our potentially effective responses get hijacked, and we can respond in ways that make things worse. For this TTT, I am sharing a snippet of my conversation with Johnson from this week’s episode of The Screenagers Podcast, titled: How Our Own Trauma Impacts Our Parenting
READ MORE >Some months ago, I got back into therapy, and I remember the first day back, the therapist asked me, “Do you do a self-compassion practice?” I remember the moment because I had one of those little head-scratching kind of moments. My therapist's question about a self-compassion practice made me want to understand what I might be missing and, most importantly, how self-compassion could help me as a parent and all parents.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.