We know that many young people are feeling disconnected from friends and at the same time, others have been able to maintain a sense of closeness to friends, if not many, at least a few.
And, we, parents, are concerned about our kids in these incredibly challenging social times. I have spoken with several teachers and school counselors who feel these concerns for their students too.
Your youth has the internet to connect with friends, but it sparks worry that they also have all the internet risks. Can you relate to this as a parent? They are no longer talking with friends over an old fashion telephone; now they are dealing with actually SEEING what they have been left out of, seeing ongoing intense negative news, and the list goes on.
Today though, I want to suggest we focus on talking with our kids about appreciating any goodness that is happening in their friendships — and in what ways has our tech revolution been helpful.
Here are some ideas to spark productive conversations related to friendships, both in general and now, during COVID. As always, I will put suggested discussion ideas at the end, but I also include them throughout.
What Are The Essential Components Of A Strong Friendship?
Starting with that question is a wonderful way to think about current friends and ones from the past. Over the years, I’ve asked kids this question, and it is not surprising that most often their answer is, “Someone I can trust.” This answer is most common from middle schoolers.
When we talk about the issue of trust, someone in the discussion invariably talks about a friend who betrayed their trust. From there, I will gently ask about how things got resolved.
It is so important that kids know that a strong friendship does not mean things have always been easy peasy. Often, our most precious friendships are the ones in which we experienced some hardships. The kids I talk with usually nod their heads when I talk about this, for they can remember arguments, exclusions, and other issues that have transpired with good friends. Perhaps right now is a good time to use technology to reach out to a friend and try to work out a conflict that still lingers — ideally using FaceTime (or the like).
Have Any Friendships Been Strengthened Recently?
One teen said that a silver lining about online schooling is that she has recognized her truest friends and has been able to focus on them, and not be distracted and “annoyed” by other people.
How Are People Making New Friends?
Some youth feel that they have gotten to know someone better by playing video games with them. I have spoken with students who have started study groups to get to know new people. A ninth-grade girl told me last night that she knew a girl for a couple of years in school, but they never talked much. Now they are in a study group together over Zoom and getting to know each other, and she feels hopeful this will develop into a real friendship.
Have You Made Connections With Any Past Friends?
Does your child have an old friend they haven’t seen for a long time? Maybe you can surprise them by having their old friend from say, preschool be on a Zoom call with you and then you tilt the screen to your child with a big “SURPRISE” do you remember ...?
What Social Skills Are Helpful?
We talk a lot in the education space about “social skills,” but what does this mean? What comes to mind for your kids when they hear those two words together.
One example is being an active listener — but how do we know when someone is being an active listener? I try to repeat back at times points someone has made and, of course, ask questions about what they are talking about.
Another great skill is when people take the time to ask other people questions about that person. People love it when people show interest in them. Other examples of skills include being able to navigate conflicts well and skills around being respectful of others. For example, working to ensure everyone in a class gets a turn to talk and working to stay engaged with what they say.
One final point. So often, I hear adults say things such as, “Social skills really only happen when kids are in person with others.” I strongly feel that it is not either-or. Being mindful and skillful at how one relates to people online is very important. In-person skills and online skills share similarities and have many differences. Discussing the ways they are similar and different is key. One question could be, “How do you show empathy to a friend online vs. in person?”
Here are additional ideas for conversation starters:
Click here if you are interested in hosting an ONLINE screening for your community.
Click here if you want to attend an ONLINE screening.
Click here for information about Dr. Ruston’s new book, Parenting in the Screen Age
Subscribe to Dr. Ruston’s Screenagers Podcast.
As well as our weekly blog, we publish videos like this one every week on the Screenagers YouTube channel
Learn more about showing our movies in your school or community!
Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for our latest Podcast
Learn more about our Screen-Free Sleep campaign at the website!
Our movie made for parents and educators of younger kids
Learn more about showing our movies in your school or community!
Learn more about showing our movies in your school or community!
Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for our latest Podcast
Learn more about our Screen-Free Sleep campaign at the website!
Our movie made for parents and educators of younger kids
Join Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD for our latest Podcast
As we’re about to celebrate 10 years of Screenagers, we want to hear what’s been most helpful and what you’d like to see next.
Please click here to share your thoughts with us in our community survey. It only takes 5–10 minutes, and everyone who completes it will be entered to win one of five $50 Amazon vouchers.
We know that many young people are feeling disconnected from friends and at the same time, others have been able to maintain a sense of closeness to friends, if not many, at least a few.
And, we, parents, are concerned about our kids in these incredibly challenging social times. I have spoken with several teachers and school counselors who feel these concerns for their students too.
Your youth has the internet to connect with friends, but it sparks worry that they also have all the internet risks. Can you relate to this as a parent? They are no longer talking with friends over an old fashion telephone; now they are dealing with actually SEEING what they have been left out of, seeing ongoing intense negative news, and the list goes on.
Today though, I want to suggest we focus on talking with our kids about appreciating any goodness that is happening in their friendships — and in what ways has our tech revolution been helpful.
Here are some ideas to spark productive conversations related to friendships, both in general and now, during COVID. As always, I will put suggested discussion ideas at the end, but I also include them throughout.
What Are The Essential Components Of A Strong Friendship?
Starting with that question is a wonderful way to think about current friends and ones from the past. Over the years, I’ve asked kids this question, and it is not surprising that most often their answer is, “Someone I can trust.” This answer is most common from middle schoolers.
When we talk about the issue of trust, someone in the discussion invariably talks about a friend who betrayed their trust. From there, I will gently ask about how things got resolved.
It is so important that kids know that a strong friendship does not mean things have always been easy peasy. Often, our most precious friendships are the ones in which we experienced some hardships. The kids I talk with usually nod their heads when I talk about this, for they can remember arguments, exclusions, and other issues that have transpired with good friends. Perhaps right now is a good time to use technology to reach out to a friend and try to work out a conflict that still lingers — ideally using FaceTime (or the like).
Have Any Friendships Been Strengthened Recently?
One teen said that a silver lining about online schooling is that she has recognized her truest friends and has been able to focus on them, and not be distracted and “annoyed” by other people.
How Are People Making New Friends?
Some youth feel that they have gotten to know someone better by playing video games with them. I have spoken with students who have started study groups to get to know new people. A ninth-grade girl told me last night that she knew a girl for a couple of years in school, but they never talked much. Now they are in a study group together over Zoom and getting to know each other, and she feels hopeful this will develop into a real friendship.
Have You Made Connections With Any Past Friends?
Does your child have an old friend they haven’t seen for a long time? Maybe you can surprise them by having their old friend from say, preschool be on a Zoom call with you and then you tilt the screen to your child with a big “SURPRISE” do you remember ...?
What Social Skills Are Helpful?
We talk a lot in the education space about “social skills,” but what does this mean? What comes to mind for your kids when they hear those two words together.
One example is being an active listener — but how do we know when someone is being an active listener? I try to repeat back at times points someone has made and, of course, ask questions about what they are talking about.
Another great skill is when people take the time to ask other people questions about that person. People love it when people show interest in them. Other examples of skills include being able to navigate conflicts well and skills around being respectful of others. For example, working to ensure everyone in a class gets a turn to talk and working to stay engaged with what they say.
One final point. So often, I hear adults say things such as, “Social skills really only happen when kids are in person with others.” I strongly feel that it is not either-or. Being mindful and skillful at how one relates to people online is very important. In-person skills and online skills share similarities and have many differences. Discussing the ways they are similar and different is key. One question could be, “How do you show empathy to a friend online vs. in person?”
Here are additional ideas for conversation starters:
Click here if you are interested in hosting an ONLINE screening for your community.
Click here if you want to attend an ONLINE screening.
Click here for information about Dr. Ruston’s new book, Parenting in the Screen Age
Subscribe to Dr. Ruston’s Screenagers Podcast.
As well as our weekly blog, we publish videos like this one every week on the Screenagers YouTube channel
Sign up here to receive the weekly Tech Talk Tuesdays newsletter from Screenagers filmmaker Delaney Ruston MD.
We respect your privacy.
We know that many young people are feeling disconnected from friends and at the same time, others have been able to maintain a sense of closeness to friends, if not many, at least a few.
And, we, parents, are concerned about our kids in these incredibly challenging social times. I have spoken with several teachers and school counselors who feel these concerns for their students too.
Your youth has the internet to connect with friends, but it sparks worry that they also have all the internet risks. Can you relate to this as a parent? They are no longer talking with friends over an old fashion telephone; now they are dealing with actually SEEING what they have been left out of, seeing ongoing intense negative news, and the list goes on.
Today though, I want to suggest we focus on talking with our kids about appreciating any goodness that is happening in their friendships — and in what ways has our tech revolution been helpful.
Here are some ideas to spark productive conversations related to friendships, both in general and now, during COVID. As always, I will put suggested discussion ideas at the end, but I also include them throughout.
What Are The Essential Components Of A Strong Friendship?
Starting with that question is a wonderful way to think about current friends and ones from the past. Over the years, I’ve asked kids this question, and it is not surprising that most often their answer is, “Someone I can trust.” This answer is most common from middle schoolers.
When we talk about the issue of trust, someone in the discussion invariably talks about a friend who betrayed their trust. From there, I will gently ask about how things got resolved.
It is so important that kids know that a strong friendship does not mean things have always been easy peasy. Often, our most precious friendships are the ones in which we experienced some hardships. The kids I talk with usually nod their heads when I talk about this, for they can remember arguments, exclusions, and other issues that have transpired with good friends. Perhaps right now is a good time to use technology to reach out to a friend and try to work out a conflict that still lingers — ideally using FaceTime (or the like).
Have Any Friendships Been Strengthened Recently?
One teen said that a silver lining about online schooling is that she has recognized her truest friends and has been able to focus on them, and not be distracted and “annoyed” by other people.
How Are People Making New Friends?
Some youth feel that they have gotten to know someone better by playing video games with them. I have spoken with students who have started study groups to get to know new people. A ninth-grade girl told me last night that she knew a girl for a couple of years in school, but they never talked much. Now they are in a study group together over Zoom and getting to know each other, and she feels hopeful this will develop into a real friendship.
Have You Made Connections With Any Past Friends?
Does your child have an old friend they haven’t seen for a long time? Maybe you can surprise them by having their old friend from say, preschool be on a Zoom call with you and then you tilt the screen to your child with a big “SURPRISE” do you remember ...?
What Social Skills Are Helpful?
We talk a lot in the education space about “social skills,” but what does this mean? What comes to mind for your kids when they hear those two words together.
One example is being an active listener — but how do we know when someone is being an active listener? I try to repeat back at times points someone has made and, of course, ask questions about what they are talking about.
Another great skill is when people take the time to ask other people questions about that person. People love it when people show interest in them. Other examples of skills include being able to navigate conflicts well and skills around being respectful of others. For example, working to ensure everyone in a class gets a turn to talk and working to stay engaged with what they say.
One final point. So often, I hear adults say things such as, “Social skills really only happen when kids are in person with others.” I strongly feel that it is not either-or. Being mindful and skillful at how one relates to people online is very important. In-person skills and online skills share similarities and have many differences. Discussing the ways they are similar and different is key. One question could be, “How do you show empathy to a friend online vs. in person?”
Here are additional ideas for conversation starters:
Click here if you are interested in hosting an ONLINE screening for your community.
Click here if you want to attend an ONLINE screening.
Click here for information about Dr. Ruston’s new book, Parenting in the Screen Age
Subscribe to Dr. Ruston’s Screenagers Podcast.
As well as our weekly blog, we publish videos like this one every week on the Screenagers YouTube channel
Many adults keep their phones by the bed — it feels harmless, even necessary. But what if that habit is quietly affecting our sleep and the example we set for our kids? In this week’s blog, Dr. Ruston shares two key things every parent should know about sleeping next to a phone, and how small nighttime tech changes can make a big difference for the whole family.
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From Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto to violence and gunfire in movies and shows, aggression is a constant backdrop in boys’ media diets. And with various influencers and online personalities framing success through the lens of strength, competition, dominance and winning, boys are being handed a narrow script for masculinity. As parents, one of the most important things we can do is offer a counterweight. We can help boys strengthen empathy, compassion, and respect as core traits of masculinity, so they have a broader, healthier vision of who they can become.
READ MORE >
Last week we introduced you to our Screen-Free Sleep campaign! Since then, we’ve been flooded with emails and calls, and most are asking the same question: How can we get this spreading in our school? Today’s blog has the answers.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
