Ready or not, the holiday season is upon us, starting with Thanksgiving in two days. If you are like me, you may be experiencing a mix of warmth AND tension. Intricate dynamics of family gatherings can amplify the usual holiday stress.
Contrary to the idyllic scenes in Hallmark cards, where families are toasting at dinner with beaming smiles, the reality can be starkly different. It might be more like people wanting to throw their wine at each other at the table. These underlying tensions are precisely why some individuals find themselves drinking a lot at family gatherings — an attempt to alleviate stress. However, as shown in Screenagers Under The Influence, this strategy can often backfire, leading to more complications than relief.
Today, I’m discussing two important topics. First, how can we leverage these complex family gatherings to enhance empathy and communication skills in our children? And second, how can we increase joy and positivity during family get-togethers by thinking up specific activities in advance?
While working on a film about re-establishing a connection with my father, who lived with schizophrenia throughout my life, I observed something transformative. Watching the film crew interact with him, I heard their genuine appreciation for his many wonderful qualities, like his sense of humor and intellect. This experience was eye-opening. It made me realize that my preconceived notions of what I wanted him to be as a father clouded my ability to appreciate him more fully.
It wouldn't surprise me if you have mixed feelings towards family members like your mom, dad, sister, or brother, stemming from unmet expectations. We often carry around thoughts of how they should behave — for instance, believing "a sister should be someone who does this, but mine never does," or "My dad would be a good father if he did certain things, but he never does." These 'should' feelings dampen our ability to appreciate the goodness that does exist in these individuals.
Before the holidays arrive, can you take some time for introspection to identify your expectations (these expectations very much overlap with our hopes and wishes)? Then, try to consider each family member simply as an individual rather than focusing on the roles they play in your life. This shift in perspective might help you see them in a new light.
Now, engage in a conversation with your child about this family member, but from this refreshed viewpoint. Share with your child the aspects you genuinely appreciate about this person. Doing so will provide a new perspective and a wonderful way to foster empathy in your child as they listen to you speak positively and appreciatively about this person with whom you have a complicated relationship.
Another idea is inspired by Steven Covey’s "7 Habits of Highly Effective People," which has to do with “Synergize.” Isn’t that a cool word?! Synergize refers to uniting different people's strengths through teamwork to achieve goals beyond what individuals could accomplish on their own.
So why not explain this term to your child before a holiday gathering and talk about a challenging family member and how together you can synergize — i.e., find ways to make the time with the family member (or a particular non-family guest) go better?!
For instance, you might say to your teen, “You've seen how Grandpa sometimes tries to be funny by teasing others, but it often dampens the mood at our gatherings. What if we work together — synergize — and if we notice he’s starting to do this, we gently redirect? We could tell him we have something interesting to show him and then lead him to the den to look at some old college photos of him. Do you have other ideas of how we can synergize?“
To enhance the joy of the occasion, consider engaging in connection-promoting activities. Reflecting on a blog post I revisited from 2018, here are some togetherness activities for your family this Thanksgiving:
These activities embody the spirit of Thanksgiving, cherishing moments, expressing gratitude, and building stronger bonds within families and communities.
Thank you so much for the support shown last week as we introduced Screenagers Bites onto our YouTube Channel! You can expect more of these published every Tuesday and Friday, so be sure to subscribe to the channel to get them in your feed.
Here are two more that we published today.
Ready or not, the holiday season is upon us, starting with Thanksgiving in two days. If you are like me, you may be experiencing a mix of warmth AND tension. Intricate dynamics of family gatherings can amplify the usual holiday stress.
Contrary to the idyllic scenes in Hallmark cards, where families are toasting at dinner with beaming smiles, the reality can be starkly different. It might be more like people wanting to throw their wine at each other at the table. These underlying tensions are precisely why some individuals find themselves drinking a lot at family gatherings — an attempt to alleviate stress. However, as shown in Screenagers Under The Influence, this strategy can often backfire, leading to more complications than relief.
Today, I’m discussing two important topics. First, how can we leverage these complex family gatherings to enhance empathy and communication skills in our children? And second, how can we increase joy and positivity during family get-togethers by thinking up specific activities in advance?
While working on a film about re-establishing a connection with my father, who lived with schizophrenia throughout my life, I observed something transformative. Watching the film crew interact with him, I heard their genuine appreciation for his many wonderful qualities, like his sense of humor and intellect. This experience was eye-opening. It made me realize that my preconceived notions of what I wanted him to be as a father clouded my ability to appreciate him more fully.
It wouldn't surprise me if you have mixed feelings towards family members like your mom, dad, sister, or brother, stemming from unmet expectations. We often carry around thoughts of how they should behave — for instance, believing "a sister should be someone who does this, but mine never does," or "My dad would be a good father if he did certain things, but he never does." These 'should' feelings dampen our ability to appreciate the goodness that does exist in these individuals.
Before the holidays arrive, can you take some time for introspection to identify your expectations (these expectations very much overlap with our hopes and wishes)? Then, try to consider each family member simply as an individual rather than focusing on the roles they play in your life. This shift in perspective might help you see them in a new light.
Now, engage in a conversation with your child about this family member, but from this refreshed viewpoint. Share with your child the aspects you genuinely appreciate about this person. Doing so will provide a new perspective and a wonderful way to foster empathy in your child as they listen to you speak positively and appreciatively about this person with whom you have a complicated relationship.
In the latest episode of The Screenagers Podcast, New York Times best-selling author and adolescent psychologist Lisa Damour, Ph.D., discusses how to have healthier conflicts with our kids. For this blog, I share some of the highlights of the podcast. These are just the tip of the iceberg because, in the episode, you will hear fascinating science, issues around phones and school, Lisa’s parenting rules, and many more tips on having productive and calmer conflicts around social media, video games, and more.
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Today, I am concentrating on 3 steps to help protect our kids from the downsides of social media and overall screen time, especially given the prevalence of violence, misinformation, and distressing content right now.
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If there was an emergency, what are some things you could do now to shore up your tech to help lessen the impact on your family and work? Read in this Tech Talk Tuesday about four key things I did and made sure my family knew.
READ MORE >for more like this, DR. DELANEY RUSTON'S NEW BOOK, PARENTING IN THE SCREEN AGE, IS THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE FOR TODAY’S PARENTS. WITH INSIGHTS ON SCREEN TIME FROM RESEARCHERS, INPUT FROM KIDS & TEENS, THIS BOOK IS PACKED WITH SOLUTIONS FOR HOW TO START AND SUSTAIN PRODUCTIVE FAMILY TALKS ABOUT TECHNOLOGY AND IT’S IMPACT ON OUR MENTAL WELLBEING.
